Once in a lifetime
by Pilotofmymind
Summary: It is often difficult to help when you can't change your /human/ nature. Character study ficlet Cherik-ish


Sometimes when it all becomes too much for Erik he'll slip away from them, go outside and sit alone in contemplation; remembering everything that almost broke him in his life, and wonder if this, here and now, is really what he's been working toward his whole life; he doesn't think it is, but he's willing to accept it.

It's never hard to find him, because he never actually hides; but it's near impossible to reach him when he's like this.

The memories that flow through his mind, all of the screams and cries, and begging bleed from his mind into Charles like a cacophony of pain; and he couldn't stop himself from taking it even if he wanted to, because these were the things Erik kept inside the most; the things he _needed_ to share the most.

Wanting to help came naturally to Charles; it was like breathing, he was always ready to offer a smile; always willing to listen to your problems if you were ready to talk.

But Erik never wanted to talk. And Charles knew he needed to distract him, because if he let this continue undisturbed, he knew that when Erik went down in flames, the Phoenix that rose up out of them would be; cold, fractured; _evil_. If Charles let the good in Erik burn out, he may never see it again.

Fingertips brushing the back of Erik's neck; a slight shiver through his frame; his head tilted back, and Charles cupped his hand over the back of Erik's head-not missing the thoughts of how his fingertips were like fire; how much Erik _needed_ this, before he was cut out-and dipped down to press his lips to Erik's-

/_I don't pretend that I love you/'Cause there is nothing left to lose_/

His hands were rough as he caught Charles by the arms- it hurt, but it was okay; it would be okay, in the end Erik would realize Charles _cared_ about him-and he dragged the other man down; the soft kiss of protection Charles had offered was quickly turning into something _violent_; it didn't hurt nearly as much as Charles thought it should-this was perhaps owed to the fact that he was drinking in Erik's euphoria like a drug; if he were to return to his own mind he knew he might not feel so at ease, so plaint under Erik's rough hands as they pushed him down to the ground.

Contact was never broken as Erik shifted over him-it was like he needed to feel this; needed to keep his hands, his lips on Charles to know that they were really here, that this was really happening-the hand cradling the back of his head slipped around the cup his cheek, stroking his thumb across the skin, as his other hand moved down Charles chest; feeling just to feel.

/_And there are sounds you cannot hear/And there are feelings you can't feel_/

Pain is suddenly flooding his senses; and this, whatever it is, doesn't feel quite as small an offering as it had been moments before; doesn't feel like a lifeline, but rather the hole that will sink the boat; there are the memories, the pain he had barely even graced over, and it's killing Erik to kiss and touch (to feel like someone might care), but he keeps going because he thinks this is what _Charles_ wants-and it is, and oh. He would love to be selfish; but he needs to stop this.

/_Calm down my heart, don't beat so fast/Don't be afraid just once in a lifetime_/

Senses are exploding with white hot pleasure; and Erik's mouth feels like heaven on him like that; and he's sure his gasps and moans sound lewd out here-and he should stop this; he really should stop this; but he's never _taken_ he has only given his entire life; and he _needs_ this like he needs to breathe.

And he knows that he shouldn't be doing this, he _knows_ it; but he can't bring himself to stop it-and the pain is becoming a dull ache in the back of his mind, and though he knows he should drag it out, and focus on it; intensify it, that he should change the situation; bring back that euphoria, he doesn't; because this, what Erik is doing, is _for him_; and though he isn't sure when their roles reversed, he doesn't regret it.

Though he knows he should.

**A/N: The bits of song lyrics in there are from Once in a Lifetime by Wolfsheim **


End file.
